Horse Camp and Helen Lake at Mt. Shasta

This was my second trip up to Helen Lake on Mt Shasta. Whereas on my first ascent in 2012, I charged straight up from Bunny Flat making Helen Lake in 2hours and 20mins, this time I did not go alone, but rather, accompanied by my friends (Mary and Evan) we took a much more leisurely approach to the ascent which allowed us time to enjoy each others presence, enjoy the beauty around us, and chat with other hikers along the way.

We left Sacramento around 3:45pm with more than enough camping supplies and food for the three of us. Usually with backpacking it is a good idea to consolidate and pare down gear as much as possible in order to save weight, however since it would be a relatively short hike in, I was not overly concerned with bringing duplicate gear and a surplus of food. 

The Alpine Lodge, a welcomed sight.

The hike into Horse Camp was completed in the warm evening air, and our tent was pitched under a beautiful sunset that bathed the mountain in pink, orange, and red as the light faded. Horse Camp, located at roughly 8,000ft and about 1.6 miles from the parking lot at bunny flat, was the starting point for John Muir’s Mt Shasta expeditions in the late 1800s and remains a popular day hike destination and/or base camp for hikes and climbers today. In 1922 The Sierra Club built an alpine lodge that remains standing today.

Headlamps with the fading light.

The lodge contains books about the mountain, a guest log book to sign, a fire place with wood to be used in emergencies only, rescue gear for the rangers, as well as a general first aid kit located below the book shelf. The lodge is open year round, and usually staffed with a summer care taker, however we did not see one during our trip. There is also a spring/fountain that provides fresh cool mountain water that is safe to drink unfiltered, and there is also a well taken care of solar composting toilet on the grounds. There are many places to camp in the trees around the lodge for a minimal donation which goes to support the upkeep of the facility.

Evan getting the coffee just right as Mary brought water for the oatmeal.

Waking with the morning light we made a healthy breakfast of oatmeal with diced dried fruit, and of course Evan provided a large pot of percolated mountain coffee. We then made lunch for later on, stocked up on water and repacked our bags for the day hike up to Lake Helen. 

Proper apparel for the harsh elements, Mary and I got a little
sunburned as we underestimated the reflection from the snow.

I am thankful for the company of Mary and Evan. On my last trip to Helen Lake, I distinctly remember being brought to my knees, exhausted and panting for air on the last steep stretch of the hike. Evan set a nice controlled pace that allowed the three of us to not only make it to our destination without bumping totally into anaerobic metabolism, but to also have the energy to talk with one another and enjoy the beauty around us. While I did not take any pictures of the flowers around our camp site and those that we passed along as we hiked up there were many beautiful flowers such as Lupin Indian Paintbrush that dotted the land.

A giant boulder precariously perched on snow and ice alone

Despite its name there is actually no standing or free flowing water at Helen Lake, perhaps there might be some at the end of a long hot summer, however I have not seen it myself, nor have I seen any pictures of water at Helen Lake. The location is however a popular camping destination. At 10,450ft. the horizontal snow covered moraine provides an ideal location for a mid mountain base camp where most people will then make their summit bid up Avalanche Gulch. 

Helen Lake provided a beautiful view looking out towards the city of Mt. Shasta, the Castle Crags, and Mt. Lassen in the distance. Unfortunately some of the beauty was marred by the garbage and feces left by previous campers. It is a pity that some humans do not respect the land and do not show gratitude for the unique opportunity that climbing the mountain is. There are not many places in the US where we can camp for free, and are even provided with free human waste pack-out bags.

Many climbing accidents happen
on the decent, each step was purposeful.

I like to be hands free, yet
trekking poles provide additional
stability, a worthy
 investment.

The first part of our return trip was faster than the ascent and quite enjoyable as we took a more snow covered route that was less prone to rock fall, not quite as steep, yet steep enough to Glissade down much of the slope. The second half was a methodical march down the well beaten path amongst the volcanic scree. 

The practice of self arrest is a vital skill to have mastered for mountaineering. Evan used the descent as an opportunity to practice stopping an unwanted slide with his ice axe.

Leaving camp the following day, Evan noticed that he was one Nalgene short,
going back through the pictures when I returned to Sacramento,
 I figured out where his missing Nalgene went.
Hopefully another hiker will pick it up and use it on their own adventures.

Making the transition between Glissading to self a self arrest position.

One of Mary's favorite parts of the trip was using her
Frisbee as a saucer to slide down the snowy slopes.

Once back at the camp the remainder of the day was spent napping in hammocks, sewing up torn gear, talking with other hikers either on their way up or down, and preparing a nice meal of vegan burritos. Although tired, I couldn't resist the opportunity to capture some of the beauty that the moon and stars provided and therefore spent a decent portion of the night capturing some long exposure images.

A 31min exposure at 1am

A 38sec exposure at 1:30 am

We had a wonderful time, and I look forward to going back, and maybe one day making it to the summit.

Relentless

Working the night shift means that I usually sleep and wake at very odd hours, so it was this afternoon that I woke up and decided to listen to a bit of music as I started my day. I was listening to a song this called You Won’t Relent  by an artist by the name of Misty Edwards and it struck me that the lyrics seemed to be true for my own life.

The lyrics are fairly simple, and not to my surprise some of them are derived from Song of Solomon, specifically chapter 7 verse 6-7

You wont relent until you have it all,

My heart is yours.

You won’t relent until you have it all,

My heart is yours.

I’ll set you as a seal upon my heart, as a seal upon my arm.

For there is love that is as strong as death,

Jealousy demanding as the grave,

And many waters cannot quench this love

You wont relent until you have it all,

My heart is yours,

You wont relent until you have it all,

My heart is yours.

Come be the fire inside of me

Come be the flame upon my heart

Come be the fire inside of me

Until you and I are one

It seems as though God relentlessly pursues me, or rather has perhaps placed a seed within myself that is growing to relentlessly pursue God. I truly desire to 

A lover so jealous, jealous to the point of death, yet with the restraint to wait until we choose to fully enter into the relationship. God wants all of us, but is willing to wait, to wait until we can say “My heart is yours, come be the flame upon my heart, come be the fire inside of me, until you and I are one.”

How painful is it to love someone and know that they do not love you to the same degree, or perhaps at all, how painful is it to remain in a quasi-relationship? Yet there God waits, hoping, perhaps prodding, but ultimately leaving the decision up to us because a forced love is just as unsatisfying. 

One Goat for Azazel

Scapegoats and Cycling 

I decided number of months ago to try to take cycling seriously, or at least give a more dedicated effort to the sport in hopes of seeing some improvement and, to an extent, in hopes of drawing a greater degree of enjoyment from passing time on the bike. Neither have really happen, but that is besides the point.

It is hard to express how much I hate riding my bike right now; cycling has become a scapegoat in my life. What I mean by this is that everything bad in my life, all my resentment, fear, anger, and hurt.. all of these emotions seem to pile up and express themselves as disgust with the prospect of riding my bike.

I didn’t realize it, however the term Scapegoat  actually originates in the Old Testament. In Leviticus 16 God speaks to Moses regarding the process by which Aaron may enter the Most Holy Place behind the inner curtain where the ark resides and there God is present. Part of the instruction is for Aaron to choose two male goats, cast lots over them, one of which will be slaughtered as an offering to the Lord, and one which will be designated to carry the sins of the people into the wilderness of Azazel. 

One goat for God, and one goat for Azazel.

The problem is, that I am riding the goat into the wilderness. I mount up and drive myself into the desert, and return worse off than when I left the metal goat having carried me back. 

What is interesting is that Jesus came to be both goats. He is the one that carries our sins, He is the one who's sacrificial blood tore the inner curtain and provided a way for the people to “freely” enter into God’s presence.

Does this make God the scapegoat? Am I permitted to place my messed up life in his hands, and say “it’s your problem now, carry that shit to a desolate land.”

I think so. The writer of Hebrews states in chapter 9 that “With his own blood-not the blood of goats and calves—he entered the Most Holy Place once for all time and secured our redemption forever.”

Christ mediates a new covenant which supersedes all others.

My soul is weary.

This blog was named Tread Worn Souls for two different reasons. The first reason pertains to my love of exploration and adventure, the second pertains to my endless effort to understand myself and my restless soul. The task of exploring who I am and what I believe is no less exciting and beautiful than happening upon an unexpected waterfall during an afternoon hike. Soul searching can also be, and certainly has been for myself, an exhausting process, no less draining than being lost and alone in a cold unfamiliar place. But we must walk, or run, hike, ride, sail, swim, whichever you prefer… we must wear down the tread on our shoes and souls. As Forest Gump says: “There is an awful lot you can tell about a person by their shoes… where they’re going, where they’ve been.” 

and so my soul is weary.

I have decided, for better or for worse, to invest a good portion of my time, energy, and relationships towards the goal of defining who I am, what I believe, and how that impacts the manner in which I live. My start down this path has already been more exhausting both emotionally and physically than anything else I have ever aspired to do. It is easier to turn away from this endeavor than from a discipline of exercising or dieting; therefore to an extent, I envy those that appear to so easily know who they are and what they believe; in the same way I envy those who, at least for the moment, have chosen to disregard the matter entirely.

I have, you could say, been weary for a long time. I have felt a burden to prove to myself, my family, and my friends that Christ Jesus is indeed who he said he is. I am realizing that I can not do that. And maybe that is not my burden to carry, perhaps I can at this point in my life only be accountable for myself, which is itself wearisome enough. I was reading recently in a book called Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis, and I resonated with some of his musings about God, our efforts to believe, and also our efforts to make believers.

“What can you ever really know of other people’s souls—of their temptations, their opportunities, their struggles? One soul in the whole creation you do know: and it is the only one whose fate is placed in your hands. If there is a God, you are, in a sense, alone with Him. You cannot put Him off with speculations about your next door neighbors or memories of what you have read in books. What will all that chatter and hearsay count (will you even be able to remember it?) when the anesthetic fog which we call “nature” or “the real world” fades away and the Presence in which you have always stood becomes palpable, immediate, and unavoidable?”

-C.S. Lewis — Mere Christianity 

While their is a unique and perhaps necessary role for mentors, friends, and counselors that might guide us in the right (or wrong) direction, in the end it is between us and God. We are, as C. S. Lewis says, “alone with Him.” I have always known this, and I think that is one of the reasons that I have had such a difficult time seeking help when I may need it (in any aspect of my life), because in the end I know that the change will come from within me, and even if you believe that God prompts change within our souls, it does not change the fact that at the end of the day it is between me and God and no one else.

Of course you could argue that we need people in our lives to support us, so that when we grow weary they are there to support us as Aaron and Hur found a stone for Moses and helped him hold his arms up. We could also argue that we are indeed alone and regardless of how long Eliphaz, Bildad, Zophar, and Elihu sit and listen or argue with us, and the end of the day it is still between us and God, Job must account for himself.

My fight to know God leaves me exhausted, which doesn't really make sense to me. I figured that the more I drew into a relationship with Him, the more I desired to know myself and to know God, that He would help fill me with His energy and His strength.

I am so tired.

I know that some might say that I need to relax and slow down, they might say that God works on His own timeline, and that the dots will connect when the time is right, but I am not sure that I believe all of that. Nothing in this world is free, nothing is handed to us; in some way, now or years past, everything is accounted for. The only thing that is truly free, if you believe it, is the grace and mercy that God has already offered. 

This is difficult to wrap my head around.

Mt. Shasta glaciers, Hotlum-Wintun Ridge

October 17-18th

I left Sacramento loaded up with the appropriate supplies around 8:30pm. Getting to the Brewer Creek trailhead is not very straightforward and at least an hour drive off of I-5 (30-40min of which are on dirt roads). If you are approaching the mountain from the southwest head east on Hwy 89 towards McCloud, 3 miles after passing through central McCloud turn left on to Pilgrim Creek Rd (Forest rte 13), 7 miles later turn left onto Military Pass Rd (Forest rte 19) you’ll be on this road for around 13 miles, at most intersections stay left. There are signs every now and then that will point you in the right direction. The later half of the dirt road is pretty rough with ruts and large rocks however I was able to make it to the trail head in a ford focus. (I have however been stopped by unexpected snow banks before when hiking for Ash Creek Falls)

I started hiking between 1 and 2am. It was a clear night and the moon had not quite risen; it was not too cold and there was zero wind. I headed south for about 45min in the shelter of the trees until I came to a clearing with a magnificent moonlit view of the eastern face of Mt. Shasta.

Although there was only a quarter of the moon showing it was enough light that combined with the reflective nature of the snow I no longer needed my headlamp. I continued making my way up the mountain picking my route in an effort to be as direct as possible yet avoid areas that appeared to be prone to rock fall.

A small portion of the Hotlum Glacier

At some point I had to put on crampons, and not too long after, a helmet and my ice axe. By the moonlight I could just barely make out an area of snow ahead that didn’t quite look normal, I took a long exposure shot with my camera and realized that I was coming up on a glacier field. While beautiful I had no intention of trying to move through it alone, I headed left to continue on the ridge between the Hotlum-Wintun Glaciers.

The sun rose peaking out above some low level clouds bathing me and the mountain in warmth and light as I continued up the ridge between the second and third largest glaciers on the mountain. The north side of Wintun glacier seemed to be more like a giant sheet of ice with fins that stuck up above the snow, where as the Hotlum glacier was much rougher looking with deep crevasses both exposed and hidden.  (I am actually not sure that I was ever near the Wintun glacier, I think it was further to the southwest)

Shark-fin like ice that probably was not Wintun Glacier   

Hiking/climbing at altitude is difficult. I fully understand that my cardiovascular system is not as strong as it used to be or could be, but I was still amazed at how hard it was to chip away at those vertical feet. The last few hours of the ascent I could take no more than 20 steps at one time without having to stop and rest for about a minute. For my next high altitude adventure I plan to bring an O₂Sat monitor, and maybe wear my heart rate monitor with my GPS watch. It will be interesting to see some of the acute physiological changes as I push myself in such an environment as Mt. Shasta.

GPS watch ran out, the red took 5 hours, the black took 6 hours

One of many crevasses on the Hotlum Glacier

I had set for myself a number of safety guidelines that I would hold to during this adventure, one of which was to be headed off the mountain by 12pm with the goal of being back at my car between 2-3pm. When at 11:45am I encountered a solid sheet of ice extending up towards the summit I realized that the best thing to do was turn around and head home. I am at this point not experienced enough, nor do I have the correct equipment to continue on ice alone. It was not with a sense of regret or disappointment that I chose to turn around, but rather a sense of relief; I was tired and the allure of the summit will never be greater than my respect and fear of the danger that encompasses such an endeavor.

Solid ice stymied my path so close to the top 

While descending can be much faster (10.5hrs vs. 3.5hrs) it is more dangerous than the ascent assuming one does not have any problems with acute mountain sickness, in which case descending is the best thing to do. I took the opportunity of the decent to practice self-arresting with the ice axe. Depending on the degree of the slope and the consistency of the snow or ice an unexpected slip, fall, or simply tripping over your crampons can potentially send you sliding very very quickly down the mountain. Practicing these techniques (safely) is well worth the time. It can also provide a quick way to descend a large portion of the mountain. By 3:15 I was back at my car eager to get my backpack and boots off.

So Close

Next time I adventure on the mountain I would like to spend one or two nights so that I might be able to take things more slowly having more time to explore different areas of the mountain.

No camera is good enough to replicate the real thing

Castle Lake to Castle Crags

There is not much to say about this trip. I needed to get away from Sacramento and work for a little while, I didn’t have too much time… so I sacrificed sleep and left around 12:45AM. I drove to Castle Lake, parked, and then hiked to the ridge above Heart Lake in order to watch the sun peak out from behind Mt. Shasta. It was beautiful, and even the first weak rays brought warmth to my chilled body.

I had always figured that it would not be too difficult to hike from Castle Lake to the Castle Crags, and for the most part I was able to cut over without too much difficulty. There were little dear trails, rocky patches, and breaks in the Manzanita brush here and there that allowed me to cut over without having to wade through too much brush.

10.13K round trip

While I was able to find my way through, there is no denying that the land is rough and wild out there. The Manzanita brush seemed to stymie my progress at every turn, the cold wind bit at any exposed skin while finding any chink in my armor to steal my warmth, and the thin air silently taxed my system like a parasite always demanding more and more. Granite spires would shoot up blocking my path, and I would turn only to find a cliff around the next corner. I couldn’t help but think of Saruman’s words from The Fellowship of the Ring:

“And if that fails, where then will you go? If the mountain defeats you, will you risk a more dangerous road?”

There was plenty of danger for me, and being alone, I was careful to ask myself questions like?

    -If you fell here.. would you die?

    -If you climb up that.. could you safely climb back the same way?

    -If you twist your knee or ankle here, how far is help?

It is amazing how what can be described as rough, brutal, harsh, and unforgiving can at the same time be described as beautiful and breathtaking.

“Safe? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course He isn’t safe, but he is good. –Mr. Beaver, The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe

While the hike was good fun and good exercise the best part of the day was yet to come. After relaxing in my hammock at the edge of the lake and eating some typical Eric food, I headed down to my friends the Fritzke’s house. How wonderful is it to have friends and family on whom you can knock on the door unexpectedly and be invited in for meals, fellowship, and a place to rest a weary body and mind. Mt. Shasta truly is a second home for me. While I do enjoy the wild outdoors, spending time with people will always be more fulfilling for me, and it was certainly the highlight of my impromptu trip.

[As I was slapping myself in the face and biting my fingers in order to stay awake, I decided that the most dangerous part of the trip was driving back to Sacramento]

Rest and Relaxation?

I have been at my new job in Sacramento, CA for nearly five weeks now. I was hired into the intensive care (ICU) float pool at UC Davis Medical Center. I am being trained to work in the Medical ICU and the Medical Specialty ICU. The process of being hired to the Medical Center was difficult and slowed by the incapacity of the CA board of Nursing. Six days before the potential job start date, I still did not have my CA license; when I did receive my license it left me precious little time to find housing in Sacramento. Thankfully I was able to arrange to live with a family in Rancho Cordova while I sought housing of my own and tired to get my feet underneath me.

The other four nurses that were hired with me into the  Patient Care Resources department

There is a beauty and a curse to working twelve-hour shifts. It is great to have such an extended period of time to be immersed in patient care, it is wonderful to have such a block of time to try to take in the immense amount information that I am expected to know. It is also great to have extended periods off from work. For example if I am fortunate to work three days in a row at the beginning of a week, and then three days at the end of the following week, I am left with a significant block of free time. The down side to working three twelve-hour shifts are difficult for some of the same reasons. As a new graduate nurse I am constantly vigilant and constantly stimulated (over stimulated) by the shear volume of information and responsibility that has been handed to me. I come away mentally exhausted. Twelve hours of work does not allow much time for anything else in the day, and three twelve’s in a row means that the next day I might be pretty useless. I have been taking the light rail train from Rancho Cordova into the city for work, and then back, which means that my twelve hour day is really a fifteen hour day.

When I am able to find breaks in my schedule, I cherish them, and try to spend them wisely.

Last week I had the privilege of having six days off in a row. My friend Steven happened to get in touch with me a few days before the break began and asked it I wanted to go camping for a few days down by Mt. Whitney with him and his friend Trevor who had also worked at Kidder Creek in the summers before us. The timing was perfect and it would have been criminal to say no, three days later I was off on an adventure into the eastern sierras.

Excited to be out in God's beautiful creation

We met up at Lone Pine, a small town that probably generates a significant portion of its income from people coming to climb and camp in the mountains around Mt. Whitney. I was charged with the task of obtaining the wilderness permit that we would need for our backpacking trip, unfortunately a combination of not leaving early enough and unexpected traffic placed me in Lone Pine after the ranger station had closed. The slight hiccup in our plans did not derail us, and we decided to drive up to Horseshoe Meadows for our first night of camping.

Horseshoe Meadow is vast, beautiful, and a destination in its own right, however we had our sights set higher. The meadow provided us with a safe place to store food in a bear locker, access to our trailhead, and perhaps most importantly the opportunity to acclimate as the meadow sits at an elevation of 10,000 ft. After camp had been set up, an evening campfire, and a chat with a gentleman camping nearby, we dosed the fire and turned in for the night.

I was thankful for the rising sun, for the night had been colder than expected, and my lost and found sleeping bag was not quite up to the task. Steven had volunteered to head down the mountain to the ranger station in order to obtain a permit, while Trevor and I prepared our gear and food for the coming days. Steven arrived back, and a short while later we hit the trail for a destination above the tree line.

Ice in Nalgene after a night a 10,000ft

On the way to High Lake

The Sierra Nevada mountain range is beautiful; running north to south it covers a vast area of land and contains some of the most beautiful landscapes in California. While the eastern side of the Sierras can be desert like, it still can be overwhelmingly beautiful.

We hiked through forests and meadows, over boulders and along creeks until arriving at High Lake at an elevation of 11,500 located at the base of New Army pass. Now above the tree line with the daylight quickly leaving us we set out to find the best wind sheltered area for what we knew would be an even colder night. Once shelter was established we turned our attention to food. A hot meal can go a long way, and it is always nice to have a story to pass the time.

Trevor reading The Horse and His Boy

The night was indeed cold and a cutting wind did not help the situation. Morning came early with the sunrise and gave me the courage to brave the elements in order to relieve my bladder. We decided to forgo a hot breakfast in an effort to save time; after some hardboiled eggs, tortillas and peanut butter we began our assent towards the summit of Mt. Langley.

Mt. Langley stands at 14,026 ft (although the plaque at the top says 14,042 ft.), it is the 9^th tallest peak in CA. Less than an hour into our summit attempt we encountered what was likely the most dangerous aspect of the trip, second only to the ever present danger of acute mountain sickness.

At the ridge top with the cornices in the background 

When the wind blows over a ridge it creates a back flow, an eddy, immediately behind the ridge. Snow carried by the wind accumulates in this wind break, and dangerous cornices (overhangs) can form at the top. While none of us were prepared for snow travel, we were able to find an area without a cornice, and decided to make a go for it. We concluded that if we were significantly uncomfortable ascending this pitch, then we would abandon the route and seek an alternative, for we knew that it would be even more difficult and dangerous to down climb in the warmer afternoon. Thankfully, we were able to safely make the ridge.

Steven coming over the ridge

The remainder of the hike to the summit was fairly uneventful, perhaps nothing more than long and wearisome. Like Ben Stiller in the movie The Secret Life of Walter Mitty we had to make oxygen decisions, therefore we did not dilly dally to long here or there, nor spend too much time talking. The views were still spectacular and there were innumerable marmots scurrying around the rugged landscape.

One thing that was special was the opportunity to chat with different individuals that we came across during our time in the outdoors. Each time that we met an individual or couple both parties stopped to talk with each other. I think it is as much about having common interests as it is about looking out for your fellow hiker. I was especially impressed with a couple that hiked out of their way to meet us as we were resting in the wind break of a large rock. It was nice to chat and give them advice about which way to descend. It was also fun to see names of those that we had met along the way inscribed in the notebook that was in the ammo box at the summit.

The summit, wind striped, barren, and cold, provided beautiful views of the surrounding valleys and mountains.

The hike down was much quicker than the hike up and we were all thankful to arrive safely back at camp, especially after descending the snowfield.

The slow and careful decent

This was my first 14,000ft summit and while it left me exhausted heading back into work, it also left me wanting more of the mountains and wilderness that God has created.

At the summit  

Lenticular clouds at sunset

Looking down on the half froze High Lake
and our tent tucked in behind the rocks