Relentless

Working the night shift means that I usually sleep and wake at very odd hours, so it was this afternoon that I woke up and decided to listen to a bit of music as I started my day. I was listening to a song this called You Won’t Relent  by an artist by the name of Misty Edwards and it struck me that the lyrics seemed to be true for my own life.

The lyrics are fairly simple, and not to my surprise some of them are derived from Song of Solomon, specifically chapter 7 verse 6-7

You wont relent until you have it all,

My heart is yours.

You won’t relent until you have it all,

My heart is yours.

I’ll set you as a seal upon my heart, as a seal upon my arm.

For there is love that is as strong as death,

Jealousy demanding as the grave,

And many waters cannot quench this love

You wont relent until you have it all,

My heart is yours,

You wont relent until you have it all,

My heart is yours.

Come be the fire inside of me

Come be the flame upon my heart

Come be the fire inside of me

Until you and I are one

It seems as though God relentlessly pursues me, or rather has perhaps placed a seed within myself that is growing to relentlessly pursue God. I truly desire to 

A lover so jealous, jealous to the point of death, yet with the restraint to wait until we choose to fully enter into the relationship. God wants all of us, but is willing to wait, to wait until we can say “My heart is yours, come be the flame upon my heart, come be the fire inside of me, until you and I are one.”

How painful is it to love someone and know that they do not love you to the same degree, or perhaps at all, how painful is it to remain in a quasi-relationship? Yet there God waits, hoping, perhaps prodding, but ultimately leaving the decision up to us because a forced love is just as unsatisfying. 

One Goat for Azazel

Scapegoats and Cycling 

I decided number of months ago to try to take cycling seriously, or at least give a more dedicated effort to the sport in hopes of seeing some improvement and, to an extent, in hopes of drawing a greater degree of enjoyment from passing time on the bike. Neither have really happen, but that is besides the point.

It is hard to express how much I hate riding my bike right now; cycling has become a scapegoat in my life. What I mean by this is that everything bad in my life, all my resentment, fear, anger, and hurt.. all of these emotions seem to pile up and express themselves as disgust with the prospect of riding my bike.

I didn’t realize it, however the term Scapegoat  actually originates in the Old Testament. In Leviticus 16 God speaks to Moses regarding the process by which Aaron may enter the Most Holy Place behind the inner curtain where the ark resides and there God is present. Part of the instruction is for Aaron to choose two male goats, cast lots over them, one of which will be slaughtered as an offering to the Lord, and one which will be designated to carry the sins of the people into the wilderness of Azazel. 

One goat for God, and one goat for Azazel.

The problem is, that I am riding the goat into the wilderness. I mount up and drive myself into the desert, and return worse off than when I left the metal goat having carried me back. 

What is interesting is that Jesus came to be both goats. He is the one that carries our sins, He is the one who's sacrificial blood tore the inner curtain and provided a way for the people to “freely” enter into God’s presence.

Does this make God the scapegoat? Am I permitted to place my messed up life in his hands, and say “it’s your problem now, carry that shit to a desolate land.”

I think so. The writer of Hebrews states in chapter 9 that “With his own blood-not the blood of goats and calves—he entered the Most Holy Place once for all time and secured our redemption forever.”

Christ mediates a new covenant which supersedes all others.