Horse Camp and Helen Lake at Mt. Shasta

This was my second trip up to Helen Lake on Mt Shasta. Whereas on my first ascent in 2012, I charged straight up from Bunny Flat making Helen Lake in 2hours and 20mins, this time I did not go alone, but rather, accompanied by my friends (Mary and Evan) we took a much more leisurely approach to the ascent which allowed us time to enjoy each others presence, enjoy the beauty around us, and chat with other hikers along the way.

We left Sacramento around 3:45pm with more than enough camping supplies and food for the three of us. Usually with backpacking it is a good idea to consolidate and pare down gear as much as possible in order to save weight, however since it would be a relatively short hike in, I was not overly concerned with bringing duplicate gear and a surplus of food. 

The Alpine Lodge, a welcomed sight.

The hike into Horse Camp was completed in the warm evening air, and our tent was pitched under a beautiful sunset that bathed the mountain in pink, orange, and red as the light faded. Horse Camp, located at roughly 8,000ft and about 1.6 miles from the parking lot at bunny flat, was the starting point for John Muir’s Mt Shasta expeditions in the late 1800s and remains a popular day hike destination and/or base camp for hikes and climbers today. In 1922 The Sierra Club built an alpine lodge that remains standing today.

Headlamps with the fading light.

The lodge contains books about the mountain, a guest log book to sign, a fire place with wood to be used in emergencies only, rescue gear for the rangers, as well as a general first aid kit located below the book shelf. The lodge is open year round, and usually staffed with a summer care taker, however we did not see one during our trip. There is also a spring/fountain that provides fresh cool mountain water that is safe to drink unfiltered, and there is also a well taken care of solar composting toilet on the grounds. There are many places to camp in the trees around the lodge for a minimal donation which goes to support the upkeep of the facility.

Evan getting the coffee just right as Mary brought water for the oatmeal.

Waking with the morning light we made a healthy breakfast of oatmeal with diced dried fruit, and of course Evan provided a large pot of percolated mountain coffee. We then made lunch for later on, stocked up on water and repacked our bags for the day hike up to Lake Helen. 

Proper apparel for the harsh elements, Mary and I got a little
sunburned as we underestimated the reflection from the snow.

I am thankful for the company of Mary and Evan. On my last trip to Helen Lake, I distinctly remember being brought to my knees, exhausted and panting for air on the last steep stretch of the hike. Evan set a nice controlled pace that allowed the three of us to not only make it to our destination without bumping totally into anaerobic metabolism, but to also have the energy to talk with one another and enjoy the beauty around us. While I did not take any pictures of the flowers around our camp site and those that we passed along as we hiked up there were many beautiful flowers such as Lupin Indian Paintbrush that dotted the land.

A giant boulder precariously perched on snow and ice alone

Despite its name there is actually no standing or free flowing water at Helen Lake, perhaps there might be some at the end of a long hot summer, however I have not seen it myself, nor have I seen any pictures of water at Helen Lake. The location is however a popular camping destination. At 10,450ft. the horizontal snow covered moraine provides an ideal location for a mid mountain base camp where most people will then make their summit bid up Avalanche Gulch. 

Helen Lake provided a beautiful view looking out towards the city of Mt. Shasta, the Castle Crags, and Mt. Lassen in the distance. Unfortunately some of the beauty was marred by the garbage and feces left by previous campers. It is a pity that some humans do not respect the land and do not show gratitude for the unique opportunity that climbing the mountain is. There are not many places in the US where we can camp for free, and are even provided with free human waste pack-out bags.

Many climbing accidents happen
on the decent, each step was purposeful.

I like to be hands free, yet
trekking poles provide additional
stability, a worthy
 investment.

The first part of our return trip was faster than the ascent and quite enjoyable as we took a more snow covered route that was less prone to rock fall, not quite as steep, yet steep enough to Glissade down much of the slope. The second half was a methodical march down the well beaten path amongst the volcanic scree. 

The practice of self arrest is a vital skill to have mastered for mountaineering. Evan used the descent as an opportunity to practice stopping an unwanted slide with his ice axe.

Leaving camp the following day, Evan noticed that he was one Nalgene short,
going back through the pictures when I returned to Sacramento,
 I figured out where his missing Nalgene went.
Hopefully another hiker will pick it up and use it on their own adventures.

Making the transition between Glissading to self a self arrest position.

One of Mary's favorite parts of the trip was using her
Frisbee as a saucer to slide down the snowy slopes.

Once back at the camp the remainder of the day was spent napping in hammocks, sewing up torn gear, talking with other hikers either on their way up or down, and preparing a nice meal of vegan burritos. Although tired, I couldn't resist the opportunity to capture some of the beauty that the moon and stars provided and therefore spent a decent portion of the night capturing some long exposure images.

A 31min exposure at 1am

A 38sec exposure at 1:30 am

We had a wonderful time, and I look forward to going back, and maybe one day making it to the summit.

Relentless

Working the night shift means that I usually sleep and wake at very odd hours, so it was this afternoon that I woke up and decided to listen to a bit of music as I started my day. I was listening to a song this called You Won’t Relent  by an artist by the name of Misty Edwards and it struck me that the lyrics seemed to be true for my own life.

The lyrics are fairly simple, and not to my surprise some of them are derived from Song of Solomon, specifically chapter 7 verse 6-7

You wont relent until you have it all,

My heart is yours.

You won’t relent until you have it all,

My heart is yours.

I’ll set you as a seal upon my heart, as a seal upon my arm.

For there is love that is as strong as death,

Jealousy demanding as the grave,

And many waters cannot quench this love

You wont relent until you have it all,

My heart is yours,

You wont relent until you have it all,

My heart is yours.

Come be the fire inside of me

Come be the flame upon my heart

Come be the fire inside of me

Until you and I are one

It seems as though God relentlessly pursues me, or rather has perhaps placed a seed within myself that is growing to relentlessly pursue God. I truly desire to 

A lover so jealous, jealous to the point of death, yet with the restraint to wait until we choose to fully enter into the relationship. God wants all of us, but is willing to wait, to wait until we can say “My heart is yours, come be the flame upon my heart, come be the fire inside of me, until you and I are one.”

How painful is it to love someone and know that they do not love you to the same degree, or perhaps at all, how painful is it to remain in a quasi-relationship? Yet there God waits, hoping, perhaps prodding, but ultimately leaving the decision up to us because a forced love is just as unsatisfying. 

One Goat for Azazel

Scapegoats and Cycling 

I decided number of months ago to try to take cycling seriously, or at least give a more dedicated effort to the sport in hopes of seeing some improvement and, to an extent, in hopes of drawing a greater degree of enjoyment from passing time on the bike. Neither have really happen, but that is besides the point.

It is hard to express how much I hate riding my bike right now; cycling has become a scapegoat in my life. What I mean by this is that everything bad in my life, all my resentment, fear, anger, and hurt.. all of these emotions seem to pile up and express themselves as disgust with the prospect of riding my bike.

I didn’t realize it, however the term Scapegoat  actually originates in the Old Testament. In Leviticus 16 God speaks to Moses regarding the process by which Aaron may enter the Most Holy Place behind the inner curtain where the ark resides and there God is present. Part of the instruction is for Aaron to choose two male goats, cast lots over them, one of which will be slaughtered as an offering to the Lord, and one which will be designated to carry the sins of the people into the wilderness of Azazel. 

One goat for God, and one goat for Azazel.

The problem is, that I am riding the goat into the wilderness. I mount up and drive myself into the desert, and return worse off than when I left the metal goat having carried me back. 

What is interesting is that Jesus came to be both goats. He is the one that carries our sins, He is the one who's sacrificial blood tore the inner curtain and provided a way for the people to “freely” enter into God’s presence.

Does this make God the scapegoat? Am I permitted to place my messed up life in his hands, and say “it’s your problem now, carry that shit to a desolate land.”

I think so. The writer of Hebrews states in chapter 9 that “With his own blood-not the blood of goats and calves—he entered the Most Holy Place once for all time and secured our redemption forever.”

Christ mediates a new covenant which supersedes all others.

My soul is weary.

This blog was named Tread Worn Souls for two different reasons. The first reason pertains to my love of exploration and adventure, the second pertains to my endless effort to understand myself and my restless soul. The task of exploring who I am and what I believe is no less exciting and beautiful than happening upon an unexpected waterfall during an afternoon hike. Soul searching can also be, and certainly has been for myself, an exhausting process, no less draining than being lost and alone in a cold unfamiliar place. But we must walk, or run, hike, ride, sail, swim, whichever you prefer… we must wear down the tread on our shoes and souls. As Forest Gump says: “There is an awful lot you can tell about a person by their shoes… where they’re going, where they’ve been.” 

and so my soul is weary.

I have decided, for better or for worse, to invest a good portion of my time, energy, and relationships towards the goal of defining who I am, what I believe, and how that impacts the manner in which I live. My start down this path has already been more exhausting both emotionally and physically than anything else I have ever aspired to do. It is easier to turn away from this endeavor than from a discipline of exercising or dieting; therefore to an extent, I envy those that appear to so easily know who they are and what they believe; in the same way I envy those who, at least for the moment, have chosen to disregard the matter entirely.

I have, you could say, been weary for a long time. I have felt a burden to prove to myself, my family, and my friends that Christ Jesus is indeed who he said he is. I am realizing that I can not do that. And maybe that is not my burden to carry, perhaps I can at this point in my life only be accountable for myself, which is itself wearisome enough. I was reading recently in a book called Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis, and I resonated with some of his musings about God, our efforts to believe, and also our efforts to make believers.

“What can you ever really know of other people’s souls—of their temptations, their opportunities, their struggles? One soul in the whole creation you do know: and it is the only one whose fate is placed in your hands. If there is a God, you are, in a sense, alone with Him. You cannot put Him off with speculations about your next door neighbors or memories of what you have read in books. What will all that chatter and hearsay count (will you even be able to remember it?) when the anesthetic fog which we call “nature” or “the real world” fades away and the Presence in which you have always stood becomes palpable, immediate, and unavoidable?”

-C.S. Lewis — Mere Christianity 

While their is a unique and perhaps necessary role for mentors, friends, and counselors that might guide us in the right (or wrong) direction, in the end it is between us and God. We are, as C. S. Lewis says, “alone with Him.” I have always known this, and I think that is one of the reasons that I have had such a difficult time seeking help when I may need it (in any aspect of my life), because in the end I know that the change will come from within me, and even if you believe that God prompts change within our souls, it does not change the fact that at the end of the day it is between me and God and no one else.

Of course you could argue that we need people in our lives to support us, so that when we grow weary they are there to support us as Aaron and Hur found a stone for Moses and helped him hold his arms up. We could also argue that we are indeed alone and regardless of how long Eliphaz, Bildad, Zophar, and Elihu sit and listen or argue with us, and the end of the day it is still between us and God, Job must account for himself.

My fight to know God leaves me exhausted, which doesn't really make sense to me. I figured that the more I drew into a relationship with Him, the more I desired to know myself and to know God, that He would help fill me with His energy and His strength.

I am so tired.

I know that some might say that I need to relax and slow down, they might say that God works on His own timeline, and that the dots will connect when the time is right, but I am not sure that I believe all of that. Nothing in this world is free, nothing is handed to us; in some way, now or years past, everything is accounted for. The only thing that is truly free, if you believe it, is the grace and mercy that God has already offered. 

This is difficult to wrap my head around.